Top or Bottom Series, Pt 3: Betwixt & Between
by T'Riva's Sarek Sanctum
Summary: Sequel to "Put in His Place" and "Hunting the Ambassador: A Warming of Relations", but can stand alone.  Sarek and Kirk meet again.  Will this be the end?  Or a beginning of so much more?
1. Chapter 1

Top or Bottom Series, Part 3:

**Betwixt & Between**

Author: T'Riva

Pairing: K/Sa, Sa/Am implied

Disclaimer: Paramount owns these guys, I just take them out to play and don't get paid.

This is 3rd in the series "Top or Bottom", however each can be read alone. The first was "Put in His Place", the second "Hunting the Ambassador: A Warming of Relations", and the third "Betwixt and Between."

**Constructive criticism ALWAYS welcome!**

**Reviews are very much appreciated!**

**Chapter One**

Kirk arrived at the embassy without warning. He'd called but Sarek's personal line was picked up by an aide; Sarek had been in meetings each time. Kirk had only arrived back on Earth hours before and heard some tidbit on the news that only vaguely and inconsequentially involved the ambassador. They mentioned off-hand his "no comment" as he stepped into his limo, but the mention of his name had the effect the program intended no matter the vacuum of substance.

Kirk had never just stopped by Earth's Vulcan embassy, in fact had never been there since he'd joined Starfleet so long ago. As a young lieutenant he remembered being very impressed with all of the marble and columns and plethora of skylights to let in what Vulcans likely felt was a pale, cool sun compared to their own, and he'd only been allowed into the entry hall and administrative sections then.

He rolled up to the gate ready for a fight. Several holovidcorders and other machines scanned his aircar and person for any weapons or disallowed devices, but the large, burley Vulcan guards barely leaned toward his window when one of the guards touched his earpiece and waved him through and the tall wrought iron gate swung open. The closest guard said, "Park in any of the spaces to your left, near the limousines," in thickly-accented English

Kirk headed down the embankment toward the left side of the embassy, intrigued that someone inside must have recognized him, perhaps with facial recognition or retinal scans, and so he was likely on some list. He pulled toward a second gate with no guards and frowned. But as he slowed, the gate slipped open and he noticed the wink of a force field evaporate to allow him in.

He pulled into a long parking lot trimmed with lush gardens, a line of five stretch limos to his left, and spaces for five more, then a line of luxury air and ground cars in black and champagne – embassy cars for the more discreet encounters, he assumed. As he stepped from the car, he peered down toward the back of the embassy. The grounds spread quite a distance, beautifully lush, with a pond and what appeared to be stables. He had heard about a pathway leading to the beach and rustic cabins, all on the secured grounds. He could hear the ocean in the distance and felt the cool tingle of fog starting to creep in diaphanously among the clipped, cutting breezes.

He skipped the more private side entrances, and stood at the pedestrian gate exit from the secured parking area. Paused for the security sweep that made sure no one awaited him on the other side, then stepped through as it slid away and a smaller portion of the force field winked away momentarily again. He walked toward the main entrance that he was familiar with. The expansive rise of long half-steps brought back memories. He remembered being impressed by the sweeping steps of white marble that glimmered with red and gold veins, the rush of those arriving and leaving, and the vision of the tall, brusque guards whose faces were barely apparent under their helmets with the large phaser rifles stoically sequestered along their backs.

He stood confused a moment among the hum of the interior with beings milling all about still after 6 p.m., trying to remember the best desk to announce himself at. Heading toward him he recognized Sarek's chief aide from their meeting on the journey to Babel, now the Chief of Staff, Soran, with the less angular face of full maturity and touch of gray, coming to his rescue. He looked vaguely curious, almost amused, at Kirk's unplanned appearance, and graciously stepped up and bowed slightly, "Admiral Kirk, I had not heard you were on Terra."

Kirk smiled. He had heard Soran could find out anything about anybody, and it had almost sounded as if he was keeping track of his comings and goings for Sarek. With Sarek's consummate power and the renowned possessiveness of a Vulcan male, it wouldn't surprise him, and it rather felt like a compliment. "But you knew for a fact that I was away when no one was supposed to be aware of that detail."

Soran's eyes glinted with humor, but he didn't respond. "This way please," Soran said, as he turned toward what looked like a series of wall tapestries of significant events on ancient Vulcan. Kirk couldn't help but notice many of the ancient weapons he'd seen in Spock's cabin depicted in the scenes, and what seemed far too much gore for the lobby of an embassy. But they were a symbol of what Vulcans daily had to remember and control and of what an embassy tried to prevent, so perhaps it was appropriate.

They stepped into a plush, semi-darkened corridor with a series of elevators. Deep red carpet cushioned their steps and glistening wood trim and encased antiques adorned the length. They stepped to the end of the corridor where Soran stopped momentarily and held his hand over what looked to be a potted plant, and said quietly, "Rudolph is lost in the fog."

Kirk smiled at that and what he had thought was another elevator opened to a small anteroom instead. Another elevator and plush couches appeared as the previous door slipped closed behind them, but Soran stepped in front of another tapestry instead, set back into an alcove. The scene depicted a valley filled with the dead, with one man kneeled on a hill above looking bereft. It was a famous scene of Surak coming to terms with his fate, and where the quote of, "The needs of the many…" began.

Soran put his hand over the setting sun and the tapestry disappeared. To Kirk's surprise, it was a hologram, but quite deceptively real. They stepped into a final elevator with no buttons.

Kirk smiled as he realized they were being scanned before the elevator would rise. "Very cloak and dagger."

Soran looked at him. "An unfortunate necessity after a few 'incidents' of unwanted visitors."

Kirk was curious at how serious these incidents were with Vulcan understatement.

The elevator stopped at what had to be near the top of the building and opened to another lobby with double doors of what looked like lacquered cherry and more couches. Kirk figured that this was the entrance to Sarek's embassy residence. Soran bowed slightly. "I will leave you now. T'Pryn will announce you and lead you to the ambassador. I have not had the chance to let him know you arrived. He was otherwise engaged."

Kirk felt concern wash through him on three counts. "Who the hell was T'Pryn? Sarek rarely kept personal staff in such close quarters. He had also been otherwise engaged so that he could not receive notice of Kirk's arrival; Sarek would not have had a chance to turn him away or even be prepared for Kirk dropping in on his life. God knows what could have changed in the many months he'd been away. And the last time Sarek had been 'otherwise engaged' so that he couldn't even receive notice of a visitor he'd been in bed with Kirk. The image of Sarek naked on his stomach, his legs spreading as he looked back with hooded eyes caught his breath.

Before he could decide on how best to handle what could be an embarrassing situation, the doors opened and a breathtaking beauty stood before him. Another of the Vulcan females that looked like she belonged on the front of a magazine cover, or perhaps on a mannequin, with the lack of expression.

Jealousy was his first feeling as he imagined her under Sarek as he thrust into her. He felt usurped from Sarek's embrace, but also jealous because he also wanted this beautiful woman as he noticed her gorgeous breasts and pouty lips under eyes so dark they could almost hold a trace of violet. And she was not too young for either of them, he noted, as he saw the slightest trace of silver among the glossy black. Would Sarek rebond with no notice or warning? He felt a knot tighten in his stomach.

"James Kirk," she greeted him with the Ta'al and 'Peace and Long Life.' "I shall bring you to him," was all she said, no titles or small talk that might give him some clue as to where he stood in this amalgam. She brought him down another long, elegant hall with skylights above and portraits running the length. He noticed Sarek's father Skon with his warm brown eyes and an almost smile he seemed perpetually to wear just like Sarek, and Solkar, Sarek's grandfather, looking very regal and distinguished with his darker, less fathomable eyes but with still a hint of mischief in them.

She knocked at another set of double doors to their left and Kirk could hear a soft 'come' from inside. She opened the door and waved Kirk in.

"Thank you," Kirk said to her as he stepped inside. It appeared to be a large office, lined floor to ceiling in cherry bookshelves filled with real books opposite floor-to-ceiling windows overlooking the beautiful expanse at the back of the embassy. A large cherry desk sat in the center, with someone leaned back over, trying to pick something up off the floor behind him. The hair looked less gray than Sarek's and the build slightly thinner, more like Spock's. Kirk paused as the figure retrieved some device on the floor behind him and then turned back toward him. Vulcan, but not Sarek. But as handsome, with the same dark glittering eyes. He also resembled Spock in the narrower face.

The Vulcan looked confused for a moment as he stared at Kirk, then his eyes lit, "James Kirk." He seemed pleased, and showed more emotion than Kirk would've expected, catching him off guard. The Vulcan stood and stepped toward him with hand outstretched, "It is a pleasure, finally, to meet you." Kirk caught the hand and shook it, surprised by the physicality of a handshake and this Vulcan's easy familiarity. Kirk continued to stare.

"My nephew has talked of you often."

Kirk must have looked puzzled at this. He looked far too young to be Sarek's uncle.

The Vulcan looked amused. "You have no idea who I am, do you?"

Kirk shook his head at that. "My nephew seems to have inherited his father's reticence with information."

It dawned on Kirk suddenly, and he smiled at this relaxed version of Sarek, "You're Spock's uncle, Sarek's brother?"

"Silek," he said. "Sarek should be out shortly. Would like a drink while you wait? There is a well-stocked bar."

"No, thank you."

Silek stepped back toward the device he took from the floor, placed it on the desk and fiddled with it a moment until a hologram of a young Amanda glowed above it. "Ah, my sweet, I had thought I'd lost you." His fingers almost reached to trace her cheek when he looked saddened suddenly.

Kirk straightened, a little discomforted.

Silek looked toward Kirk and a slight blush crept up his cheeks. "I was trying to move this somewhere Sarek wouldn't stare at it half the day, but this seems the only location it keeps its full color-at least in this room. He continued to stare at the holo, obvious sadness on his face. "I could not wash out the blue of those eyes."

He waved toward the chairs facing the desk and the view. "Have a seat, if you would like."

Kirk sat, but began to feel uncomfortable staring at Silek in what seemed such a private moment. He cleared his throat as he stared at the many holos and artifacts collected from various missions. It was obviously not Sarek's much photographed main embassy office, but a more personal one. His curiosity and anxiety about the mysterious woman wouldn't let up. "T'Pryn is…" He realized that he might be asking what was not his business, but the thought of her would not release him, "…a relative, also?"

Silek looked blank for a moment, then, "No, she looks after Sarek, since Amanda…"

"How so?" He tried to look less interested than he was, but realized he'd cut Silek off.

Silek's eyebrows rose and he stared at Kirk and seemed to understand as his eyes softened.

Kirk turned to view the beautiful view.

"Scheduling his more personal activities and trying to get him to eat and sleep more than he seems willing."

Kirk felt Silek's eyes on him, then noticed him stare over at a closed door then he lowered his voice somewhat, "Nothing too…_personal_," he added.

Kirk swallowed and caught Silek's eye.

Silek's expression warmed as he stared at the Admiral.

"I would never presuppose to expect such intimate information," Kirk said softly so it wouln't sound like a rebuke. "But, thank you for your trust."

Silek stepped close to Kirk. "My brother will be out at any moment. Can I show you something that I think you should see?"

Kirk realized that Silek understood his and Sarek's relationship and blushed. He was surprised and thankful for the ready acceptance, however.

Silek brought Kirk through what appeared to be the master bedroom with a large, king-sized bed in the same beautiful, warm woods and into what appeared to be a huge closet, the size of his own living room, with rows and rows of Sarek's dark and glittering suits and robes to the left and Amanda's beautiful and colorful sweeping dresses, wraps and robes to the right, in every color imaginable.

Silek's hand trailed through the rich, colorful fabrics of Amanda's clothes, then said softly, "It has been well over a year now and he has left these as they are." He turned to Kirk, "This is not normal, for a Vulcan, at least. There has been 'talk.' But I worry less about the ramifications if the family should hear of this odd behavior, than what it might signify."

Kirk stared at the rainbow rows of feminine attire with matching shoes beneath, concerned also but unsure of what he could do.

Silek led him further into the closet and spoke softly. "Whenever my brother became distant and withdrawn Amanda brought him back out into the world. She was willful and stubborn, even more than he. He has shut himself off for a long time now. I had not thought anyone had been let in."

Silek stared at Kirk again. "I would hope that you might…not give up on him. He will push you away. He will be a…bastard…when he wants no more of anyone, of anything-until you leave him. I do not want to lose my brother." The pain in Silek's eyes made clear his fear.

Kirk realized with a start that he was referring to suicide, or at least Sarek allowing himself to die somehow and the man had the ingenuity and cleverness to find a way. Hell, being Vulcan, he could simply choose not to find a new bondmate and die in pon farr.

Suddenly Silek turned his head. "The shower has shut off. Let us retreat." He headed out of the closet and back through the bedroom with Kirk following. Just as they stepped back into the private office Sarek called out to Silek, "Why, brother, do you remove the towels when I take a shower?"

Kirk smiled at Silek's cagey look and Sarek's obvious irritation. Silek stepped over to a large pile and handed one to Kirk. "I think it best I should leave you two alone now. Tell Sarek I will call him tomorrow."

Kirk stepped into the bathroom. He caught Sarek's eye as he stood dripping in the shower, and forced himself not to scan his body as he handed him the towel, curious why a Vulcan would choose a water shower instead of sonics.

Sarek looked surprised momentarily. "I had thought I was talking to my brother." He looked confused and uncomfortable, perhaps a little embarrassed before all of that evaporated to stone.

"He just left. Said he'd call you tomorrow."

Sarek looked nonplused. "We were to go out to dinner," he said half to himself, looking a little unsettled by the turn of events.

"I think I've been substituted in," Kirk stepped out of the bathroom before Sarek could argue. He had been a little disconcerted himself; Sarek had lost quite a few pounds. His appearance was unsettling after hearing of Silek's fears.

Sarek stepped out soon after in an off-white robe, hair towel-dried and a little ruffled into obvious waves, looking much like he did after they'd made love months back. It was all Kirk could do not to reach out to him. But he still looked a little off-balance and distant. "I didn't realize you were back," he said distractedly. He stepped into the closet while Kirk waited outside.

"I didn't think it would be too much to ask to have dinner," Kirk felt a little defensive after Sarek's brusque chilliness. He had been warmer when they'd first met on the journey to Babel. It was like they'd taken several large steps backward. "Is it my appearance on your 'turf' that has rattled you." He always felt a little bothered that Sarek had never asked him to visit here.

"I am not 'rattled', as you so colorfully put it." Sarek said from inside the closet. "It is not the best time-that is all."

"But it was an okay time for dinner with your brother," Kirk challenged, sounding hurt. He hoped guilt worked as well with the father as the son.

"It is not personal, Admiral," Sarek said.

"Really, Ambassador?" Kirk said feeling the sting of the rejection by the title and cool tone. He had the strange feeling he would never see Sarek personally again if he let him escape this time.

Sarek stepped toward Kirk and stood with his arms behind him formally. He wore a flattering rust-red suit that made his eyes appear green and softened his features. "I had wished to discuss family matters with my brother."

"Really?" Kirk stared suspiciously at Sarek. His manner and tone reminded him strongly of when he had told Kirk on the Enterprise that one did not talk of meditation, especially to Earthmen, just before he collapsed. Sarek was hiding something then, and maybe now. Perhaps he could wrest this secret from the Vulcan if he could play for some time.

"Have I ever lied to you, Admiral," Sarek asked, sharply, his eyes bearing down on him in challenge.

You have left things unsaid, Kirk thought. "Let's just say my intuition leaves me unsettled."

Sarek only stared at Kirk.

"Just dinner, then I'll leave you alone until you call me." Kirk gave his most sincere look. "We can talk, or not talk, about anything you decide." In a pig's eye. He would find out what was really going on. "You had once said that you would do anything for me," he added softly.

He noticed that hit a nerve, perhaps brought back a bittersweet memory between them that now cut him as he tried to pull away.

Sarek turned from him. "I did say that," he said softly, and seemed pained by the admission.

"Please Sarek, I need to talk." Kirk watched him.

Sarek turned back toward him, a hint of concern flickered in his eyes. "Admiral, are you in distress?"

Kirk turned from him now, not wanting Sarek to gather the truth from his guilty expression. "Just a few hours."

Sarek watched him a little warily, but finally succumbed. "I will summon a driver."

"No," Kirk said. "I'll drive." He would need all of the control he could get. He held Sarek's eyes until he nodded in agreement.

**End of Chapter One** (Chapter Two coming soon!)


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

Sarek led him down a similar labyrinth as on the way up, but this led to the side door next to Kirk's aircar. Kirk led Sarek it.

"Mine's the only private flitter here," he said, looking at Sarek curiously.

"There is also an underground lot," Sarek said. "I didn't think you would appreciate your car being searched."

Kirk stared a moment, then clarity dawned. "For a bomb."

Sarek looked nonplused that Kirk came to that realization so suddenly. "It has happened."

Kirk was now curious; Sarek was very good with ambiguity. An annoying habit. Did he mean it had happened somewhere at some point in time, to some building? At this embassy? Or against him personally?

Sarek stood at the passenger side, one eyebrow raised, but still with the cool appraisal.

Kirk realized the passenger side was still locked. "Oh! Sorry."

"There is nothing to apologize for," Sarek said.

As the restraint system secured them, Kirk turned toward the Vulcan, trying to lighten him up. "You'll have to make do without the full bar. It's a sports car after all." He grinned at his joke, trying to ease at least some relaxation into Sarek.

Sarek merely glanced away. "I have no need for such." His voice sounded even more emotionless. He was being either purposefully obtuse or oblivious. Kirk couldn't tell which.

They started out of the embassy and Kirk glanced around every now and then, trying to catch the guards he knew must be following. But he couldn't see anything out of the ordinary, and in San Francisco, not paying attention where you headed was hazardous. There was simply too much to keep track of with so many intersecting airways and public and express shuttles pressing and jockeying for position.

Sarek seemed almost preoccupied, glancing out the window at the tumult and cacophony of city life whirring, zooming and blinking about them. Kirk was relieved that he didn't have to answer a lot of questions he wasn't ready to answer, and also relieved that San Francisco was compact enough that by the time Sarek realized where they headed, Kirk could stall long enough until Sarek might not protest.

And he had predicted right. As he pulled up to the likely familiar building and valet, he saw Sarek frown ever so slightly. "I had not asked you where we were headed," he said.

Kirk pasted on a cryptic smile. "Is it a problem?" Kirk depended on Sarek's pride and habitual diplomacy to save him the trouble.

"Of course not." He'd reverted to the stiff ultra-Vulcan, as Spock did when uncomfortable.

Kirk smiled. The first hurdle cleared.

As the elevator opened at the top floor with views all around, a large man in an expensive suit thundered toward them, "Ambassador Sarek! It's been too long! Would you like your regular table?"

"Sounds great!" Kirk answered for him, with his best impression of innocence.

The large man eyed Kirk oddly for answering, and then Sarek for not. Kirk was surprised that Sarek hadn't reacted to Kirk's answering for him.

"I am pleased to see you again also, Henrí," Sarek said in the ensuing silence.

"So, you've been here before?" Kirk asked. He, of course, remembered Amanda telling him that they were regulars here; it had been their favorite restaurant in San Francisco. He noticed that Sarek again appeared a little disconcerted, and was pleased to break a little chink out of the brittle façade. He would get to the bottom of Sarek's arctic attitude since he'd arrived back. He had a bad feeling and so would likely not have the time to play gentle or fair.

They were seated at a far northwest corner in a rounded booth overlooking the ocean and the Golden Gate Bridge, a very discreet seating arrangement where no one could see them, with a curtain that could be pulled for privacy. The waiter announced his entrances though the obvious tap of heels on a stone section of the flooring and after the service of the meal and checking on it, would disappear until called with a button in the center of the table.

Through dinner they caught up on the various political effects on their various jobs and discussed the future of the Federation in broad terms, but Sarek didn't lighten up. If anything, he seemed tenser.

Kirk decided on attempting to gouge another chip out of the wall. "So did you bring Amanda here?" he asked softly.

He saw Sarek pause as he was about to sip his wine, and the momentary tightening of his jaw. He also thought he saw the wine glass jiggle as if Sarek had almost dropped it, but it had been out of the corner of his eye and by the time he turned toward it, the glass was still.

"Perhaps we should discuss what you had wanted to earlier," Sarek said. "The reason for this dinner."

Luckily, it appeared that both were through with their entrees, though Sarek had seemed merely to calculate the exact diameter, length and mass of each Rigatoni before he pushed the plate away, Kirk noted. Kirk hit the button for the waiter to Sarek's raised eyebrow. "How about some desert?" Kirk asked.

"Vulcans generally do not imbibe desert, Admiral."

Kirk raised his eyebrows at the use of his title again. He was tempted to volley back with 'Ambassador' but thought that might irritate Sarek. He wasn't even sure Sarek had noticed he had used Kirk's title. The Vulcan seemed elsewhere as he sat back and laid his hand on the table and stared out at the ocean. Kirk didn't have to think hard to figure where his thoughts were. He took a chance and set his hand near Sarek's and edged it over until it barely touched the warmer flesh.

Sarek jumped at the contact and pulled his hand away. He flushed slightly. "You startled me."

But Kirk noticed Sarek had pulled his hand off the table now, as if retreating, and didn't meet his eyes. He grew more worried.

The waiter arrived and Kirk ordered the Chocolate Decadence and two forks. The waiter almost frowned then appeared to catch himself, likely concerned for Sarek, since Vulcans were strongly affected by chocolate, more so than the most potent liquors would affect a human.

Sarek caught his look. "It is acceptable," he said. But the waiter, still unsure, stared at Sarek until the ambassador glared back and the waiter disappeared.

Sarek's expression softened a bit as he stared at the table. "Would you like to see me drunk, James?" His eyes scanned Kirk noticeably.

Kirk smiled at the thought of it. "I've seen you pass out."

Sarek looked as if the flippant comment had struck him, a momentary flash of surprise and humility.

"I'm sorry," Kirk added quickly.

"No," Sarek said. "I should apologize. It was not one of my better nights."

Kirk realized he'd meant in regard to control, and perhaps health, rather than contentment and smiled at the easy comeback. "It certainly was one of mine, the rest of it at least." They hadn't even had sex that night, but spent time in such easy companionship and then nestling in bed together so that Sarek could get the rest he needed.

Sarek blushed a little at that and then seemed to slip away again as if reminded of where his thoughts had been before, and what mood he'd been in.

They stared at the table. Kirk noted that though Sarek's hands were now casually interlaced on the table, they looked too stiff, as if he were playing at casual.

Sarek looked up at Kirk with a strange, almost wistful, expression. "You seemed content that evening, even without…"

Kirk smiled. "Without sex?"

Sarek looked away.

Kirk chuckled. "It certainly wasn't, isn't, a requirement for our spending time together." He was surprised at how true that felt, and how it had been a requirement with so many others. He certainly enjoyed Sarek sexually, but he'd also want to be around him even if they couldn't.

Sarek looked as if he didn't quite believe him. "When Amanda was alive, you rarely sought me out." Sarek sounded almost hurt, at least a little confused.

Kirk blinked at that. "You were rather preoccupied with your wife, as I remember, in the little free time you had."

Sarek's eyes flashed with pain again. "Yes, a Vulcan does tend to focus on their chosen." He wouldn't meet Kirk's eyes, as if forcing himself not to.

Kirk felt the strange tickle of jealousy, for a dead woman who took so much of Sarek's time. Then felt guilt at that. He cared deeply for Amanda. Cared deeply also that she was there for Sarek. Many things had been different then. He'd felt respect, admiration and fondness for Sarek. Had even thought him quite attractive and sexy. But never imagined he'd have the chance to bed him. Or feel so much more. His feelings had grown so, even though their meetings, with their hectic schedules, only allowed little betwixt and between the hustle and bustle of their lives.

They'd never had a chance to plow and sow a field of their own to see what might grow between them. Kirk never knew if he could provide the commitment Sarek required. Whether he would be enough of a mate for Sarek to commit to. Neither was one to sacrifice enough to provide all the other needed, it seemed. Neither could be molded or steered; each pushed on boldly wherever they were needed, or wanted to go.

He had yet to fully understand his strong feelings. Only that he'd thought of only Sarek for the intervening months, and awaited the fateful moment he'd hear of his new bonding. Had thought his feelings infatuation at first; perhaps obsession with fucking such difficult prey. The excitement of hearing this proud, enigmatic man cry out as he came, and then his own exquisite climax prompted by that cry.

He'd even tried to bed a few middle-aged Vulcan's with similar build and stature since. Had come close with an intoxicated Vulcan admiral whose wife had been back on Vulcan quite awhile. They'd groped and rubbed their erections as Kirk tried to wrestle off the Vulcan's pants in an office after-hours at the latter end of a reception, before the sound of Nogura's voice startled them.

The Vulcan hustled off with an apologetic glance back. That admiral was attractive and charming, but Kirk wasn't sure he wouldn't slip and cry out Sarek's name when he came. Then they both would've realized too much. As it was, Nogura noticed enough, and asked if Kirk intended to hump every Vulcan he met. It was then that he realized that Nogura must have known of his and Sarek's off and on relationship.

The dessert arrived and Sarek stared at it as if it might bite. Of course, it might certainly nip a Vulcan. Kirk hoped so at least. He plowed into the treat as he normally did, shoveling it in as Sarek watched. Kirk nudged the other fork toward Sarek. Sarek picked up the fork, twisted it in his fingers as he eyed the gooey, dark fudge that flowed out of the glistening devil's food mound like lava.

He wondered as he watched the distracted ambassador what it might be like to come home to him, or to await his coming home most days like many married couples did. To blend their lives and learn so much more of each other. The habits and idiosyncrasies that he knew even Vulcans had. To awaken each morning with him. To see his possessive eyes pinned on him…as they had often been on Amanda. To plan their few free evenings together…

Just as he thought that, a Vulcan male passed by as he walked toward another table with the host. Kirk saw the flash of possession and threat on Sarek's face as he glanced toward the other male. The other Vulcan almost jerked, his eyes widened and he glanced at Sarek then Kirk and hastened away. He noticed the Vulcan glance back again at Sarek and motion for a table further away before they disappeared from view.

Kirk was surprised and turned back toward Sarek. The ambassador's eyes still held threat in them, as if Kirk might wander toward the other Vulcan male. "Sarek?"

Sarek flushed as if caught. "Forgive me."

"Unnecessary," Kirk said. "I just want to understand."

"I am Vulcan and male," Sarek said. "What else is there to understand?"

"I'm still confused by your behavior," Kirk said.

There was a long pause. Sarek seemed to be considering something quite seriously. His eyes hardened as he looked back at Kirk. "He is an aide to Admiral Sernin, if you'd like to fuck him, also." The tone was tight, almost accusatory. Sarek's use of the off-color word in public surprised Kirk. It felt like a slap.

Sernin had been the admiral Nogura had caught him with. Nothing more had happened, but he realized that Nogura might have thought more had come of it, or preceded it. Perhaps Sarek had overheard some remark, or even been told directly of Kirk's most recent diversion. Nogura would have likely enjoyed that too much not to. He so rarely got the best of Sarek, or Kirk.

"I'm not looking to fuck another Vulcan," Kirk said.

Sarek looked him in the eye. His face cold yet his eyes fueled like a dilithium core. "Have you fucked all that would allow you already?"

Kirk was starting to understand what was going on. Sarek felt he'd been used. One of several Vulcans, as a new project in conquest. If that were so, why did Sarek even allow him into the embassy? Perhaps Soran had let him in, but Sarek could have made provisions to politely get rid of him. There had to be more to it. Perhaps Sarek doubted such a scenario, or at least wanted to doubt it and be convinced otherwise; then some hope still existed for Kirk.

Sarek stared into the linen tablecloth. "It appears I've made some unfortunate choices on the personal front since Amanda's death."

Kirk swallowed. "I missed you. I wasn't sure what would come for us, or even what I wanted."

"You made a mistake," Sarek said. "You no longer need concern yourself with me."

"I don't see any mistake between us but perhaps of omission," Kirk said.

Sarek looked confused at that, and picked up his fork and stabbed the chocolate dessert and twirled the goo about the bit of cake into a tidy bundle. Held it aloft in front of his mouth with seeming uncertainty. "So you want further physical intimacy with me."

"I think I want more than that," Kirk said as he eyed the suspended chocolate, wondering at Sarek's trepidation over the mere bite.

"Such confidence," Sarek almost taunted. "That says much. Perhaps we should part company and feel content with what we've…learned."

Kirk's temper flared. "I think we have a lot to learn of each other, and a lot to discuss. Eat the damn cake, for God's sake, before I shove it down your throat!"

Sarek looked surprised, almost amused and angry at the same time. "I would be curious to see you try."

"I've shoved something far larger down it." Kirk wanted a reaction. Needed Sarek to stop covering what was really troubling him.

"You have," Sarek admitted. "Is your goal fellatio and intercourse then? To have me every way you can because you feel I might not allow such anymore?"

"Not every way it seems," Kirk said.

"I only know of two orifices for such on a Vulcan male," Sarek said. "You have used both."

Kirk sighed. "I'm sorry I was crass. I deserved that."

Sarek stuck the cake into his mouth and chewed, his mind seemingly elsewhere.

"Let's talk about more," Kirk said. "I want to know specifics."

Sarek started to carve out a second neat forkful. "It sounds as if you are applying for a position."

"There are serious responsibilities when it comes to a commitment with a Vulcan, especially a male. Especially you."

Sarek's eyebrows rose at that. "You have tried commitment already."

"That was a mistake." Kirk couldn't help but remember her horrible death alongside Sonak's. An image he'd likely never be rid of. He closed his eyes.

Sarek stared at him. "Forgive me for reminding you of her death."

Kirk swallowed. He could still hear the ungodly, almost bestial screams of what was left of them, no longer them anymore. No longer truly Human or Vulcan by then. Only mixed and tangled flesh beyond sentient thought.

"I saw the report, and the accident, after. Sonak had been an aide of mine before he joined Starfleet. I had rather _I_ watched it than _his family_." Sarek seemed to have warmed to Kirk in his sympathy.

Kirk watched Sarek lay his hands on the table, as he stared off into the middle distance. He could see the pain in his eyes. Saw him swallow and thought he seemed to have trouble controlling his emotions, and wondered why. "Were you close to Sonak, his family?"

Sarek stared at Kirk as if confused by a non sequitur. He shook his head without any verbal response, which was unusual. Kirk was suspicious that he didn't trust his voice. He laid his hand on Sarek's, but Sarek jerked it away and it seemed to shake as he pulled it underneath the table to his lap. His hand had also felt hotter than it should. Another piece of the puzzle fell into place.

Kirk shifted over, close to Sarek. He noticed the Vulcan tense.

"James," Sarek's voice sounded breathy. "Do not feel insulted if I believe you're not meant for a committed relationship. It doesn't lessen my opinion of you." Sarek's eyes looked glazed and Kirk had to wonder at how so little of the dessert could have affected him.

"I think you don't know me well enough to determine such."

"Sometimes the timing doesn't allow for such," Sarek said. "A young Vulcan female will be arriving in a matter of days. If she is compatible…"

Kirk shook his head. "You would bond with a stranger, rather than see where we might go?"

"It is our way. Much is determined regarding compatibility by the matriarch's mind touch. You forget that the mind is of prime importance in a bond with a Vulcan."

"I thought we were quite compatible," Kirk said, with a bittersweet smile.

Sarek nodded with a trace of a smile. "Our minds seemed attuned, yes."

Kirk moved over until he could feel Sarek's heat, thankful for the now closed curtain. He let his hand rest on Sarek's thigh. Felt Sarek's breathing accelerate. "You've chosen your own mate once. Without permission, I heard."

"T'Pau would never have allowed it had I asked," Sarek replied.

"A male union would disgrace the family?" Kirk asked. His hand traveled under Sarek's and gripped it. He felt a charge from the contact race through. Sarek's eyes closed. Kirk could feel Sarek's pants bulge against the back of his hand.

"Male unions are allowed, but T'Pau will want heirs. That is why a fertile, young female was chosen." Sarek's voice had deepened. "This is not the best time for this…"

Kirk smiled. "I think this _is_ the best time." He could hear the catch in Sarek's throat as he was about to protest but didn't. "I can't imagine there weren't other avenues for heirs if you took the chance with Amanda."

Sarek nodded. "Surrogates with short life spans, due to genetic difficulties or disease. They desire continuation of their line without the risk of death of a bondmate. There is no melding during copulation and so no connection but for offspring."

Kirk's hand slipped up to the clasps on Sarek's pants and the Vulcan's head lolled back.

"Please James, stop. I cannot… Not here…"

It was all too clear that Sarek couldn't stop him. He was in the first stages of _pon farr_ or would have never allowed him so much in a public place. Kirk toyed with the idea of dropping under the table and felating Sarek right there, but someone might hear, especially any Vulcans, and Sarek's immense pride and dignity would be dented, to say the least, if he couldn't control his volume. He wasn't the quietest when he climaxed.

Kirk couldn't help teasing a little longer however and dipped his head into Sarek's lap. Sarek grabbed his hair and bucked into his face as he groaned.

"James, please no…." Sarek sounded as if he feared Kirk might ignore the Vulcan's sensibilities. Kirk couldn't help regretting losing such an erotic opportunity, but couldn't take advantage of Sarek so. It certainly wouldn't gain trust or bode well for their future.

"Would you let me finish you off somewhere public but discreet if I stop now?" Kirk smiled at the possibility.

"Yes..." Sarek said and groaned.

His tack wasn't fair, but Vulcans, especially this one, were sometimes too stubborn for fairness. "Is it true that a Vulcan in _pon farr_ can refuse his mate nothing?" Kirk asked as he pulled away.

Sarek eyes widened at that, but he nodded.

Kirk grinned, a mischievous glint in his eyes.

**End of Chapter Two** (Chapter Three coming soon!)


End file.
